spoilers up to dr3, closed to tsunderine

[futurebullets]

[He's dying.

It's the only thing Hinata is certain of as he lies on the cold, hard floor. He can feel the blood slipping from his body, pooling around him, as he stares face up at the ceiling and gasps desperately for air. He knows the spear was meant for someone else - someone who should've been here, dying instead of him, but is somehow safely at home. He does not understand how he knows this.

It doesn't make sense, because somehow he knows he's in his sixteen year old body, even though he's twenty one. Even though he'd almost brought disaster into the world, and forgot he'd planned to.

He remembers things he shouldn't, and yet he remembers it all. The poisonous feelings that welled up in his chest looking at Hope's Peak. Being drugged out of his mind as they played God with his brain. Watching Nanami die. The killing game he'd brought to fruition with his own hands. Waking up from it to save the ones who needed to be saved.

Hinata remembers peaceful island life that shouldn't have happened. He remembers being pulled away from that and into a game of dating, where he met a beautiful girl who smelled of herbs and stole his first kiss.

But he shouldn't, because it doesn't make sense to remember all of it for some reason.

He tilts his head at the sound of footsteps. Something tingles in his arms; not quite a vein and not quite a nerve. It feels... strange.

The thought is forgotten as he sees who's approaching, and...

"...You should wear it like that more. Not that I'm an expert on it or anything, but it suits you."

His eyes are wide. His fading heart gives a stronger beat than the others, and somehow he finds the strength to speak.]

Y... You're...

Comments

[futurebullets]

[His eyes slip shut as the magic washes over him. It's real, isn't it? He'd known even back when he saw her use the sword, as much as his brain tried to deny the reality of it... But now Hinata really can't deny it, as he feels the wound close and his lungs start to work with more ease.

Magic, huh...

He forces his eyes open when he feels himself being lifted off the floor. His face would be going red if he hadn't lost that much blood, because that's... she's actually carrying him, even though he's got a good twenty centimeters or so over her in height. It's really embarrassing...

But Hinata pushes that feeling to the side, managing some weak words even as exhaustion tugs at his eyelids, demanding rest.]

Tohsaka... Sorry about this. [His hand reaches up, grip weak as he tries to do as she says and get a hold of her. He's too tired to protest or do otherwise.] I'm sorry that... [He swallows and breaks off. Tries again.] You shouldn't have had to waste that on me.

[There's someone else that was meant for.

Knowledge that he shouldn't have.]

also cw: family abuse/sexual assault mentions

[tsunderine]

Don't say something stupid like that. You two are seriously a lot similar in that aspect, at least.

[There's a bit of a huff in her breath and the light redness of cheeks in embarrassment even as she continues to move, simply looking like a blur in the night to anyone else who might still be awake at these late hours. She's certain there aren't too many, unless she's unlucky. And considering what's happening now? Her luck isn't exactly the most stellar.

But thankfully things are good enough that nobody notices her, not to mention that she isn't be pursued, either. She knows Illyasviel might show up, and there's a scenario where she definitely would, but.

That girl of winter doesn't care about her; she's just an insignificant fly compared to who she's really after. And it causes her to grit her teeth because she knows exactly what that girl's been through now. But that girl isn't Tohsaka's problem. In fact, being sent back this far also means that Sakura is still in pain in more ways than one, and she knows it all too well.

In memories that she shouldn't have. In words that she can hear ringing through her ears, clear as day.

"Don't be ridiculous! This is unfair! Why, Nee-san, why are you always the one!

That's right...! I was jealous of you...! You stayed at the Tohsaka's house and were always brilliant. I hate you for never knowing any trouble.That's why I want to win. I wanted you to praise me, just once...! Why can't you let me have a little thing like that...!

Why!? It was different for me. We were sisters, we were born to the same family, but I had nothing! I was trapped in the room with worms and was treated as an object! I never led a human life, and nobody said anything kind to me...!

I almost died every day. I always looked at myself in the mirror, wanting to die. But I was scared of dying, and I didn't want to disappear by myself...! Because I heard that I had an older sister. I'm a child of the Tohsaka family, so I always believed that my older sister would come save me...! But you never came. You just kept smiling, having no idea. You took no notice of the miserable girl and lived happily in the Tohsaka household."

Ah.

So there is something that she still has to do, after saving this boy. Because otherwise she would end up full of regrets, just like before. But she's aware that she cannot save Matou Sakura by herself. Nevertheless, she finally answers his statement, his thought of 'there's someone else that was meant for'.]

It isn't a waste. [It's strange of her to say something like this, considering that she's a magus-- that she's supposed to be cold hearted and not care about other people, and yet she saved his life in spite of that. She's contradictory.] I did it because I wanted to. This was my choice.

[And she finally slows down as they reach their destination: the Tohsaka estate, her heels clicking as she speaks the words under her breath to undo the spell making her almost float from the ground and make her fast, although she does have to keep up her strengthening so that Hinata isn't a pain in the ass to carry.

By which she subsequently sighs as she walks in and carries him up the stairs and into the bedroom. Specifically, her own as she eventually lays him down. There.]

Phew... okay, Archer should be back any time soon. If you hear me talking to him, just pretend you don't hear anything? Alright?

[Because she knows Archer is going to chastise her if he finds out that he knows about magic and isn't a magus.]

[futurebullets]

[Similar to who? It's what Hinata intends to say, even if it feels like a question he has an answer to, but he can feel his eyelids slipping shut...

He starts drifting against his will. Being that close to death took more of a toll than he thought it would. Less of an issue if he'd been Kamukura, but right now he's just boring, ordinary Hinata Hajime - and Hinata Hajime alone.

The thought is as bitter as it is a comfort.

In the moments that he does manage to surface, Hinata can see the blur of buildings passing them by. He should probably be more concerned by the speed they're seemingly going at, but he's strangely... not. Because here is Tohsaka again, putting him at ease the way she always seems able to.

The arms holding Hinata won't let anything happen to him. He's sure of it.

He's somewhat awake when she speaks, at least, and this time it's the opposite - the words he thinks are safely in his head are instead weakly laughed against her shoulder.]

I'm not anyone worth using that on, but I'll have to be grateful you thought so...

[He isn't sure how long he's asleep for, after that. But when he wakes again, it's on the softness of a bed. He feels a little more strength in his body, which is a tremendous relief... but with better clarity, his brain is working well enough for there to be a lot of questions about the current situation.

First things first, though - this location. He attempts to sit up, but the wince he feels all the way down to his toes informs Hinata that anything more than the bare minimum of movement will be a no-go for now. Right, then.]

That's fine, but... Who's Archer? And this place - is it your home?

[He can guess enough from what he's able to see that it's a bedroom, so...]

[tsunderine]

He's my Servant.

[That's a rather quick answer that explains literally nothing in the slightest bit, although she really doesn't want to have to explain what Servants are from the very beginning again, especially when she'll most likely have to it regardless later.

It's just a huge inconvenience to talk about it to someone who isn't supposed to be involved with all of this.]

And yes, this is my place. You're on my bed, by the way. How do you like it? Is it nice and warm?

[Just going to let that sink in for a moment and see what kind of reaction he'll end up giving her.]

[futurebullets]

Wha- What does that even have to do with- Oi, Tohsaka. [Any questions about what a Servant might be go flying right out the window as he shoots her a flustered look. Part of him feels a little refreshed, because feeling things again is good, and he has yet to tire of it. But most of him is just ticked off because...] Are you seriously teasing me right now?

[He's smart enough to not fall for it...even as he falls right into it. This is a sad existence.]

[tsunderine]

[Oh, good. Hinata managed to give her the most entertaining expression that she's seen in a while. There's only two people that she knows that she can easily mess with, and he's one of them.] Why would I do that? [It's so obvious that it's not even a question.] I'm just telling you the truth. Besides, you didn't even answer my question. That's quite rude, Hinata-kun. After everything that I did...

[futurebullets]

Alright... Alright, I get it. [He sighs, pulls a hand from under the blanket to run a hand down his face. God. He makes it too easy, doesn't he.] It feels... nice, okay? It's warm and it's soft. [And it... smells nice, but there's only so much honesty you can allow to slip before it gets Dangerous. He lets his whole arm cover his face now.] Th-there... You wanted me to be honest, right?

[Just. Leave him here to die with him grumpiness and his red face.

...But. He's quiet for a moment, and then, sliding his wrist down enough to reveal his eyes...]

...You're using my family name again.

[tsunderine]

[He honestly does, and it amuses her so much. And his reactions are actually rather entertaining to watch each and every single time, so it doesn't bore her. When he speaks the truth, however, she can't help but smile. It's not the same sneaky smiles that she tosses out when she's messing with him, but something a little more genuine.] Hm? [That's a surprising statement to come out of him. But at the same time, the moment he's says that is the same moment where she finds herself snickering again. And there it is, the red devil that we know and love. She's got him like a mouse that's walked into a trap.] What... did you really want to be called by your first name that badly? I didn't know that was something that you were into. [And she then sits next to him on the bed, that smile never fading even once from her lips.] Maybe I'll do it, under one condition. [This already sounds dangerous.]

[futurebullets]

That's... going a little far, isn't it? I didn't say that. [He swallows hard as she sits on the bed.] From anyone else, I would've thought that switching to my family name meant they were mad at me, but... I suppose it's different for you.

[No, Tohsaka Rin is interesting like that. As embarrassing as it is, it's also nice to be kept on his toes like this.]

But, if you're going to say it like that... [Hinata lets his arm fall away completely, but keeps it carefully close to his own body. If he brushed against Tohsaka right now, even by accident, he feels like he might combust.] I guess I don't have any choice but to ask. What's your one condition?

[tsunderine]

Is it? [There's an awfully playful note to the way she enunciates her words and she almost laughs, but she manages to keep herself from doing so.] Well, I have no reason to be mad at you. [That much is already obvious. At least, to her, it is, anyway. Tossing a strand of hair over her shoulder and leaning in close, almost enough that if he came even closer their lips would touch, she whispers in his ear, in a low, seductive tone:] But my condition is... for you to do the same. Call me by my first name.

[futurebullets]

I-

[He feels something lodge into his throat, accompanied by a loud pounding in his ears. It takes a second to realize it's his heartbeat, and Hinata almost wants to jerk back, worried she might hear it-

No, that's silly. She won't be able to hear it, right? He still lets his gaze dart to the side.]

...Geez. For a guy that just died, you're being pretty harsh on me. But... [He forces himself to look her in the eye for this. He has to.] You've been calling me by mine for a longer, so I guess that's... only fair.

[If he was still just Hinata Hajime, it would be impossible. As it is, at the moment, feeling so far away from the person he's become... It still almost feels impossible. He'd dare to say that it would be easier on him if she'd asked him to strip, even.

...And yet. She did save his life.]

But... I owe you my life, so I guess it's the least I can do. [He breathes in...] ...R- Rin.

[You're... really unfair, aren't you...

...But this part of you isn't too bad, either.]

[tsunderine]

I'm sorry, but I'm actually a cold person. [Rin manages to say those words with a completely straight face and while the words almost seem to be an apology, they're anything but. She doesn't seem to be apologetic at all in the slightest bit. But what cuts through it all is when he says that it's only fair, especially since she saved his life, but.] But you seriously shouldn't just call me by my name just because I saved your life. That isn't fair. [In fact, she tugs her lips to what seems to be a bit of a pout, but it only lasts for a moment before she smiles, something warm, although she does have to pull herself a little bit away from him, sitting down in a manner where she's hugging her legs and leaning in close as her cheeks tinge a slight pink.] Hajime-kun.

[futurebullets]

[He almost laughs when she calls herself cold, but holds himself back - it wouldn't be appropriate, and there would be nothing funny about it anyway. Just a bitter irony.] You don't have to apologize for something like that. I don't really mind it. And besides... [He smiles at her, but it's a very sad smile. Sad and self-deprecating.] I'm a much colder person than the boy you met back then. It wouldn't be right for me to mind. [It hurts to say it, even as it's a relief. He wants to live on as Hinata Hajime, but he can't ignore that part of himself either. This might feel like a sweet dream, but he knows that what makes him Kamukura Izuru hangs just out of reach. He can feel it.] ...Maybe that wasn't the only reason. [His gaze rolls over her as he admits it softly.] I've had friends save my life before, but you're the first person I've called by first name... in a very long time, I think. [He must've been a small child, with even less care for manners than he has now. He has to strain to even remember something like that. But God... He saw the pout before, sees her smile now, the redness of her face and- He can feel warmth in his chest, in his head and his gut, and the only thing Hinata can think is that it's so good that he's weak right now. It would be so easy, with her looking at him like that, to just lean up and try to... ...Geez. What are you doing to me, huh?] ...Maybe I just needed a good reason to.

[tsunderine]

Ah, is that so? [She hides her expression behind her bangs, gaze lowered as she finally feels her reddened cheeks finally fade. But she doesn't match his smile in the slightest bit. Even though he says that it isn't something that he minds, it's still... she kind of wonders why he says that he's actually a 'much colder person'. It's not something that she expected from him. And then he talks about having friends and there's something that bubbles up in her chest. Jealousy, perhaps? He's lucky to have friends. While she knows Ayako and Shirou, she's always had difficulty considering other people as friends because of her status as both a magus, the Tohsaka heir and owner of Fuyuki. But it would be quite rude to say that, so she refrains. Quiet for a few moments, she swallows hard before her aquamarine eyes finally fix to look at him, something a little softer.] Then I suppose I should consider myself lucky.

[futurebullets]

[He watches her hide her face, and something aches in his chest. He wonders if she'll see him differently now... if perhaps he should've hidden that for just a bit longer.

...But, no. It's better that he's honest, and he really wouldn't have been able to hide it forever. Not from her, nor would he have wanted to.

I wish I knew what you were thinking, though. Even if it's more interesting that she isn't so easy to read.

But Hinata grins at her, and this time it's something real and true, sadness pushed away.]

Aren't I the lucky one, since you saved me?

[And that's funnier than anything, really, that he's sitting here and talking about luck of all things... But he sighs a little bit. Rin is still close, and didn't she mention...]

At any rate... That Archer guy should be coming up here soon, right? [His senses might be dull, but he still gives her a careful look as he asks his questions.] Why do you want me to pretend not to hear him?

[tsunderine]

Maybe. [Lucky or not, that doesn't matter at the moment. While she does see him a little differently, it's not in the way that he probably expects. The fact that he's a cold person too? It actually eases some of the weight off her shoulders. She doesn't know why it does- maybe it's because if there's someone as cold as her, then things are easier. And he could possibly understand how she feels. It's different from the say of 'opposites attract' in that light. But even if he says he's cold, she doesn't exactly see him in that light. Not entirely. Not when he can make an expression like that. His smile is one that can warm her heart so easily and she absolutely hates it.] Yeah, just go back to sleep. [That's not an answer to his question, Tohsaka Rin.] Because you're not allowed to know that he exists. He'll kill you if he does.

[futurebullets]

[And Hinata will just. Give her a flat look.] ...Well, that's really not going to help me fall asleep. [Rin, you can't just tell someone to go to sleep and follow that up with the possibility of getting killed, it doesn't work like that.] Why is it so dangerous for me to know he exists, anyway...? [Is he a yakuza or something??? Did she get him involved in some kind of weird gang war.] It's not like I'd tell anyone about him, even if I could.

[tsunderine]

You could at least fake it, can't you? [She can't help but frown a little bit at his statement, even though she knows that he isn't wrong. Telling someone that they might potentially die isn't exactly the smartest way to reassure someone, but telling the truth is a lot better than lies.] You're a normal person, Hajime-kun. [Even though 'normal' is relative.] As the part of magi code, it is customary for us to get rid of anyone unrelated. While I could stop Archer, I don't want to waste something that I could use in an emergency.

[futurebullets]

Just knowing is that serious, huh...

[This is Rin's world and not his. There's still so much that he just... doesn't know, and it would be pure foolishness to not follow her word when he knows so little. And besides...

I trust you.]

...Alright. If it's that bad for him to be aware I know, I can pretend at least. [It's not without a twisting feeling in his stomach as he says it. Hinata doesn't want her to waste anything else important on him. But outwardly he only lets his mouth twitch up a bit as he lets his eyes slip close.] Hopefully it'll just be pretending, anyway. It'd be nice to sleep without worrying about my life for once.

[Only half of that is a dry attempt at humor. He should've finally been able to sleep a little more worry-free, but... Oh, well.]

[tsunderine]

That's right. [She doesn't want to say anything more about it, if only because time is limited and she can sense Archer coming back. But at least he isn't arguing her on that point — in fact, is he smiling a little? Nevertheless, there's a conversation that happens when Archer opens the door-- "Is he alright?" "Yeah, he'll recover, Archer." "I see." "Is there something wrong?" "No, it's nothing. I'll leave this here. If you need me, just call for me. I won't bother you for the rest of the night." "Alright, thank you." And Archer leaves, having left soup and cups of tea on the bedside table. Rin then sighs, almost a little melodramatically before she taps him on the shoulder to wake him up.] I got soup if you're up to eating. He honestly didn't have to, though... geez.

[futurebullets]

[Hinata blinks his eyes open. It's probably really good that she tapped him, or he might've completely knocked out after all. I'm more tired than I thought, I guess.]

Soup sounds good, yeah. Just need to take it slow. [With a grunt, he steadily tries to prop himself up with his elbows. A bit dizzy, still, but not as bad as it was before. Maybe he really did need to rest more.] That was pretty thoughtful of him to make some, though. [It's not quite a grin, but his lips twitch upward as Hinata arches an eyebrow. He might be a little amused at her sighing about it.] Did you not want him to?

[tsunderine]

He shouldn't be doing any unnecessary things... [She can't help but grumble those words almost under her breath, but it's not as if they're completely inaudible. But there's definitely some annoyance there as she folds her arms over her chest.] I honestly appreciate that he did it, but I could have done it myself. [And maybe get him to appreciate her cooking! That would have been nice, you know, Archer!!] But do you want me to bring the bowl to you or should I feed you myself?

[futurebullets]

[His eyebrow arches higher. That is an interesting reaction.]

Maybe it's not the most practical if he had something else to be doing, but it must've seemed important enough to him. [Then he does actually grin a bit.] Or maybe he just wanted to do it for you.

[But that grin is gone in the next moment. Maybe it's punishment for feeling so entertained by Rin earlier. Regardless, he splutters as his face turns a bit pinkish.]

Y-you don't need to feed it to me, though! I'm not that weak, honestly!

[just screams internally]

[tsunderine]

That's... [She frowns a little bit more when he says that she wanted to do it for her, because she honestly doesn't doubt that, especially since she knows Archer's true identity.] Are you saying that you don't want to, Hajime-kun? [In fact she'll drag out his name out slowly just to tease him a little bit.]

[futurebullets]

Gh-! That's not what I said, I-

[Ohhhhhhh kill him, she really is doing this on purpose.

He shouldn't have let that last bit slip. That and the flush that belies his words won't make this convincing, Hinata knows, but...]

D-do as you like. If you want to, then I don't mind it...

[tsunderine]

[His blush is honestly really cute and she can't hide the smirk that settles on her lips as he stutters that reply.]

Okay. [Let her go grab the bowl and bring it closer to her before she shifts her position to sit closer to him.] Here, say aah...

[She is definitely feeding him as she brings the spoon with the soup near his lips.]

[futurebullets]

[He grumbles something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like "enjoying this too much", but he closes his eyes and opens his mouth obediently.]

A-aah...

[But his eyes shoot open when the soup hits his tongue.] ...Woah, that tastes really good. [He kind of wasn't expecting it. His eyes dart away from hers, a little bit of pink streaking across his face.] But... Thanks.

[tsunderine]

Well, of course. Archer's a good chef, after all. He wouldn't make something bad.

[Rin knows that firsthand, after all, more than anything else in the world.]

I'll thank Archer for you later. Are you still hungry or is that good enough?

[futurebullets]

You sound pretty fond of him... That Archer. [If his eyes weren't still averted in embarrassment, the corner of his mouth would twitch up in a half-grin.] But I appreciate. I...

[...wouldn't mind if she did that some more.]

...I wouldn't mind having a little more. But at some point, we should figure out what we're going to do after this, shouldn't we?

[Better to focus his mind on practical things, probably. Focus, Hinata Hajime.]

[tsunderine]

W-W-What are you talking about?! [Rin's face immediately grows a bright red as she yells at him. Maybe it's a good thing that he's not looking directly at her, because if he did, he'd see a sight to behold. Not to mention that he'd be able to probably poke fun at her. Nevertheless, she eventually huffs, folding her arms over her chest a little indignantly.] If you're going to say stupid things like that, then maybe I'll eat the rest for myself! [Tohsaka, don't bully the person who almost died... Except she's already feeding herself the soup that he's already eaten. Wow.]

[futurebullets]

Ah-

[He's surprised enough by her yelling that he does, in fact, turn to look at her... just in time to see her spooning soup into her mouth. Oh. Oh, wow.

Hinata genuinely doesn't know whether to be impressed over that reaction or confused about why she's having such an impressive reaction at all.

Either way, delicacy is probably the best thing here - which, admittedly, is not Hinata's strong suit. But he knows how to be gentle, at least, so he'll at least drop his voice to a softer tone. Effort shall be made.]

If you want to, then... sure, I guess. [He'll give a pause here, just a brief one as he fiddles with the blanket in his hands and words in his head.] But, um... Rin, if I made you mad, I'm sorry. I really don't get why, but... Sorry if I did something to make you angry.

[tsunderine]

What do you mean, "sure, I guess"!? [There's a bit of a mocking tone in her voice, but the fluster still hasn't faded in the slightest bit.] Why are you accepting that I'm going to be eating it so easily? Shouldn't you be more like-- [ahem] "Wait, Rin, you shouldn't eat that, I already put the spoon in my mouth" or something like that, right? [At this rate, Tohsaka Rin is going to become a red tomato and there's no way that anyone is going to be able to stop her. While she does grumble a bit, she does, at least, manage to calm down somewhat with a few more huffs and spoonfuls of the soup that Archer made. It's hers now.] And you should be able to understand why I'm mad. Isn't it obvious? Geez.